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So therapy day
Nov. 11th, 2025 01:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fennectikBefore I get into my first visit to a shrink, I will talk about apologizing to a person who always prays every morning and every night because of his religious routine. I once tried to hush him when he was doing such in the evening, which was a very ignorant and discriminatory thing to do. I realized he was praying when he would do the same thing the day after, and I erroneously believed he was just singing for the sake of annoying others. I still feel awful on how inexplicably stupid I acted. He accepted the apology, but what happened will be engraved in me so I may never act in such disgusting way again.
After that, had my first therapy session, which was an introduction and getting acquainted with my therapist. I told everything that was bothering me, including OCD intrusive thoughts and the like, which made me feel a bit better. I'll be visiting every two weeks.
Lastly, I stepped on one side of my headphones which messed it up, having no choice but to use the emergency pair I had for when the previous headphones began failing. That made me pretty pissed, because I had the extra pair at the ready to be used if something happened to the old ones. I had planned keeping them until a month or so then use this pair.
Overall it was a mixed day.
After that, had my first therapy session, which was an introduction and getting acquainted with my therapist. I told everything that was bothering me, including OCD intrusive thoughts and the like, which made me feel a bit better. I'll be visiting every two weeks.
Lastly, I stepped on one side of my headphones which messed it up, having no choice but to use the emergency pair I had for when the previous headphones began failing. That made me pretty pissed, because I had the extra pair at the ready to be used if something happened to the old ones. I had planned keeping them until a month or so then use this pair.
Overall it was a mixed day.
Therapy time
Nov. 9th, 2025 09:30 pmfennectikTomorrow will be my first day getting counseling about stuff in my head in over 2 years. U never wanted to go back to this sort of thing, but lately I've been dealing with shit that I can't handle on my own, so here we go.
Glad I'm not living in Mississippi at the moment
Nov. 7th, 2025 07:22 pmfennectikRead this site's news stating anyone who uses an IP geolocating in Mississippi gets a blocked page explaining some stuff involving security and whatnot. Hopefully it'll get resolved soon.
Been away doing stuff, mainly catching up on Anime and watching some recommendations like Solo Leveling and The Water Magician. Of the two I found Solo Leveling more interesting, so I'll be watching it more. I've finished watching the Vampire Princess Miyu OAV series and quite frankly I choose the TV series over it. I don't know, Miyu acts better there in my opinion and that spiritualist character seemed in the way of the show's flow.
But that's just me.
Been playing old games like Metal Gear Solid, Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, and Metroid Fusion, hoping to at least finish one of them this time around.
My OCD has been pestering me quite a bit over nothing as usual, but I'm trying to keep on top of things about it. Have been drawing some stuff but don't feel like posting it online.
This crappy android phone is getting on my nerves the more I use it. Not sure why after all this time they seem to have the same shit going on with them which makes you toss it at the wall. Then again, what can one expect from a $50.00 phone?
Anyway, I'll just go back to do my thing for now.
Been away doing stuff, mainly catching up on Anime and watching some recommendations like Solo Leveling and The Water Magician. Of the two I found Solo Leveling more interesting, so I'll be watching it more. I've finished watching the Vampire Princess Miyu OAV series and quite frankly I choose the TV series over it. I don't know, Miyu acts better there in my opinion and that spiritualist character seemed in the way of the show's flow.
But that's just me.
Been playing old games like Metal Gear Solid, Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, and Metroid Fusion, hoping to at least finish one of them this time around.
My OCD has been pestering me quite a bit over nothing as usual, but I'm trying to keep on top of things about it. Have been drawing some stuff but don't feel like posting it online.
This crappy android phone is getting on my nerves the more I use it. Not sure why after all this time they seem to have the same shit going on with them which makes you toss it at the wall. Then again, what can one expect from a $50.00 phone?
Anyway, I'll just go back to do my thing for now.
Welsh has no words for "yes" or "no"
Oct. 28th, 2025 12:07 pmsmmg"Welsh has no word for yes or no" always seems a bit strange to me. Because yes there's no one single Welsh word that is used for "yes" or "no" that directly translates to all the English uses of "yes"/"no". But the Welsh words we use instead still mean "yes" or "no". They would still translate to "yes" or "no" in English.
Like, "ydw" as an answer literally means "I am" but that means "yes" essentially, yes? Like you'd still translate it to "yes" if you were translating a Welsh text to English.
The "I am" in the English translation sounds more emphatic like "yes, I definitely am going!" whereas it doesn't sound emphatic in the Welsh. Like it just translates to "yes" in this context.
Like, "ydw" as an answer literally means "I am" but that means "yes" essentially, yes? Like you'd still translate it to "yes" if you were translating a Welsh text to English.
- "Wyt ti'n mynd?" "Ydw, dwi'n mynd" -> original Welsh
- "Are you going?" "I am, I'm going" -> more literal translation
- "Are you going?" "Yes, I'm going" -> translation that keeps the tone/feel the same between the two languages
The "I am" in the English translation sounds more emphatic like "yes, I definitely am going!" whereas it doesn't sound emphatic in the Welsh. Like it just translates to "yes" in this context.
I finished reading Chrono Crusade by Daisuke Moriyama
Nov. 6th, 2025 09:08 ama_natural_beautyIt took me a couple of months but I'm glad I finished reading 'Chrono crusade' again. I think this was the third time reading it. I bought it back when I was in high school, one of the first manga series I got into. I always liked the action, humor, art, characters and story. Being just a teen back then it was probably a bit on the heavy side but I that's okay! It's only eight volumes long, if any of you are curious to read it. I feel like it was a fairly simple read and wasn't too timely. I don't want to give too many spoilers but some of my favorite parts were the start of it with the characters together like Azmaria and Satella with Rosette and Chrono working as a dysfunctional team. And I loved the later volumes that cover the flashbacks with Mary Magdalene and Chrono. IT would have made the story too long but I wish the four characters - Rosette, Chrono, Azmaria and Satella - would of had a bit more time together since they felt like they had a good thing going for the plot and worked well together. It felt strange finishing up the last volume after my dad's passing since so much of the book covered topics like death, loss and sudden changes in life. Bittersweet almost.
Next I'm going to be reading different comic books I have laying around that I have been meaning to get rid of. Maybe later on in winter I'll re-read another manga series but for now I'm good just focusing on reading books I'd like to rehome.
Next I'm going to be reading different comic books I have laying around that I have been meaning to get rid of. Maybe later on in winter I'll re-read another manga series but for now I'm good just focusing on reading books I'd like to rehome.
what a weird feeling
Nov. 4th, 2025 10:37 amarya_the_gooberIs it normal to feel selfish despite being told your needs are "valid" even though the needs feel selfish and that you're the worst person in the world for having them and that you're not relevant or important and thinking about yourself for one second is a horrible thing and you're a horrible person? because OMG ME TOO :D
Going forward and making time for 'Promised Memories' when I can
Nov. 1st, 2025 08:40 ama_natural_beautySo for a bit of time - maybe a week or so? My one sister will be staying with my mom. Then later in the month there is her granddaughter and her husband who can stay with her for about two months. So I may be able to have a bit of time to myself and work on stuff as I need to. Also there are a few relatives who said they can check up on here once a week or something. That helps, knowing there is a bit of support.
I think I will just take it day by day - week by week. Her health right now is still sort of unpredictable. If I can draw out a page or write a chapter for Promised Memories I will, if I can't I know my readers will understand. Early on in the story Prince Leon losses both his parents as well as sister and must grow up fast, learn all he can to become king someday and rule his island with love and loyalty. I need to use my fictional character Leon as an example to learn from. Right now in the current chapter I am covering Prince Leon and how his future became happy again after all that sadness. Grief is something I have been familiar with but never at this level. I feel like in the context of Promised Memories some pretty serious and heartbreaking events happen and what follows is like a domino effect. It can either break you or make you - so to speak.
There is so much more with Promised Memories I plan on writing about but for now I will just focus on it when I am able to. And that's okay.
I think I will just take it day by day - week by week. Her health right now is still sort of unpredictable. If I can draw out a page or write a chapter for Promised Memories I will, if I can't I know my readers will understand. Early on in the story Prince Leon losses both his parents as well as sister and must grow up fast, learn all he can to become king someday and rule his island with love and loyalty. I need to use my fictional character Leon as an example to learn from. Right now in the current chapter I am covering Prince Leon and how his future became happy again after all that sadness. Grief is something I have been familiar with but never at this level. I feel like in the context of Promised Memories some pretty serious and heartbreaking events happen and what follows is like a domino effect. It can either break you or make you - so to speak.
There is so much more with Promised Memories I plan on writing about but for now I will just focus on it when I am able to. And that's okay.
Well, I Did Get Back In Here...
Oct. 31st, 2025 02:50 pmchicatingso, maybe after a thousand more times, i might not feel "bad with computers" any more. Maybe.
here's the Friday five for this week:
Did you vote in your most recent applicable election? (If you're not yet old enough, do you plan to vote in the future?)
Yep. Vote-by-mail helps a lot!
2. Have you ever protested or attended a march?Yes, quite a few...virtual ones are not quite the same
3. What political issue is the most important to you?Health care, disability rights, income inequality...there are a lot.
4. Are you a member of a party in your country? If so, which?Holding down the Dems' left flank.
5. Do you ever plan to run for office?I've thought about it, but maybe my postings would count against me. And maybe I was just trying to picture a future and my job rubbed off a bit. Just don't want to be this, forever.
Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.
If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!
here's the Friday five for this week:
Did you vote in your most recent applicable election? (If you're not yet old enough, do you plan to vote in the future?)
Yep. Vote-by-mail helps a lot!
2. Have you ever protested or attended a march?Yes, quite a few...virtual ones are not quite the same
3. What political issue is the most important to you?Health care, disability rights, income inequality...there are a lot.
4. Are you a member of a party in your country? If so, which?Holding down the Dems' left flank.
5. Do you ever plan to run for office?I've thought about it, but maybe my postings would count against me. And maybe I was just trying to picture a future and my job rubbed off a bit. Just don't want to be this, forever.
Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.
If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!
Goodbye to my father
Oct. 30th, 2025 09:40 ama_natural_beautyI know I was going to start trying to get into the habit of coming back on here again but I have some terrible news - as you all know from the title of this post. My father, my dear daddy passed away on this past Friday the 24th. My mother and him were home, it was about 3 in the afternoon before my nephew who lives with them was expected to come home. My mom got up from her chair in the living room and fell. When she went down she was in such pain - she knew she broke her arm. My dad went go to get her but when he stood up he had complications somehow - either it was his heart or his breathing since he didn't have his oxygen. My mom could hear him but not see him with how she landed and he was yelling for David to come home, that they needed help. David came home and found them - mom on the floor and dad hardly able to stand. David went to get his oxygen - which was on the other side of the room - to try to put on him but dad had just enough time to tell his grandson that he was dying and to call 911 for mom. I think it was after this dad fell onto the floor or he was already on the floor, I can't recall. David made the call and they came. My mom was in shock when she found out he had passed. When I got there they were taking her out in a stretcher and my sister and I got to go upstairs with David to see dad. It was more awful than I expected. There was some blood by him so the next day there was talk that it may have also been a brain animism? I honestly think it was his heart or breathing. My mother and nephew are filled with guilt. The night we came back from the hospital she cried all night and kept saying she killed him because if she wouldn't have fallen he would still be here. We all know that isn't true but still, how can you convince her - she's grieving her best friend and husband. I feel like David's guilt may recover sooner but he is still filled with hurt. I'm filled with a mix of emotions - why this way???? Why couldn't he have died in his sleep? Or down in the basement or somewhere else where it didn't involve my mom and nephew like that... it just upsets me so. Each day I've been crying a bit less, but still just crying and mad and sad and confused and scared and lost. We have been preparing for my mom's death. For months now she has been going down hill. Someday I may be more at peace but for now I still can't understand why the three of them had to be involved like this...
So many other events followed after this tragedy. I'm still trying to grieve for him and deal with present bullshit that some of my family is causing. We knew there would be issues when my father passed but I never expected things to happen so soon and so badly. A few people in my family have turned out to be pretty awful just days after his passing and I have been learning who I can trust and who I cannot going forward. But I may go into that in another post. For right now I am trying to honor him and remember him for the wonderful person he is. November 17th would have been his birthday and I already gave him his gift - a Cleveland browns clock I won in a pumpkin painting contest at the start of the month.
Today is his calling hours. I am putting in his casket a coupon book I made him several years ago, two younger photos of me - one of me in kindergarten and my senior year photo and I wrote him a short letter. Tomorrow is the funeral - on Halloween - which I think someone mentioned would be a bad day for it, but I don't think my dad would have cared. He liked Halloween. In the meantime I don't know much much time I will have free because I will be helping my mother and nephew as much as I can be. I put my comic Promised Memories on hiatus for now. It's strange, I was actually thinking about that as of lately, of what it would be like if it was on hiatus. I love you all and hope you are doing well. Take care of yourselves and give your loved ones hugs and kisses when you can. Life is way to unexpected, short and unfair.
So many other events followed after this tragedy. I'm still trying to grieve for him and deal with present bullshit that some of my family is causing. We knew there would be issues when my father passed but I never expected things to happen so soon and so badly. A few people in my family have turned out to be pretty awful just days after his passing and I have been learning who I can trust and who I cannot going forward. But I may go into that in another post. For right now I am trying to honor him and remember him for the wonderful person he is. November 17th would have been his birthday and I already gave him his gift - a Cleveland browns clock I won in a pumpkin painting contest at the start of the month.
Today is his calling hours. I am putting in his casket a coupon book I made him several years ago, two younger photos of me - one of me in kindergarten and my senior year photo and I wrote him a short letter. Tomorrow is the funeral - on Halloween - which I think someone mentioned would be a bad day for it, but I don't think my dad would have cared. He liked Halloween. In the meantime I don't know much much time I will have free because I will be helping my mother and nephew as much as I can be. I put my comic Promised Memories on hiatus for now. It's strange, I was actually thinking about that as of lately, of what it would be like if it was on hiatus. I love you all and hope you are doing well. Take care of yourselves and give your loved ones hugs and kisses when you can. Life is way to unexpected, short and unfair.
Had the best coffee cup before more disdain fell to my head
Oct. 30th, 2025 01:49 amfennectikAbout a day ago, a fellow acquaintance shared some coffee he had made at the coffee pot. I took a small dose in my cup since I don't drink too much coffee to begin with, but it was the tastiest cup I ever had in a long while.
It served as a momentary relief from the nonsense I'm going through before more of it decided to rain on me the way rain fall on a parade, as I have to deal with discriminatory people who like abusing their power in this place.
Will write nore about it if things don't get worse.
It served as a momentary relief from the nonsense I'm going through before more of it decided to rain on me the way rain fall on a parade, as I have to deal with discriminatory people who like abusing their power in this place.
Will write nore about it if things don't get worse.
